Funny Poem Fairy Tale: How Little Red Riding Hood Came to Be Eaten

Little Red Riding Hood by Krystn Palmer Photography @ flickrHow Little Red Riding Hood Came to Be EatenMOST worthy of praiseWere the virtuous waysOf Little Red Riding Hood's Ma,And no one was everMore cautious and cleverThan Little Red Riding Hood's Pa.They never mislead,For they meant what they said,And would frequently say what they meant:And the way she should goThey were careful to show,And the way that they showed her, she went.For obedience she was effusively thanked,And for anything else she was carefully spanked. It thus isn't strangeThat Red Riding Hood's rangeOf virtues so steadily grew,That soon she was prizesOf different sizes,And golden encomiums, too!As a general ruleShe was head of her school,And at six was so notably smartThat they gave her a chequeFor reciting, "The Wreckof the Hesperus," wholly by heart!And you all will applaud her the more, I am sure,When I add that this money she gave to the poor. At eleven this lassHad a Sunday-school class,At twelve wrote a volume of verse,At thirteen was yearningFor glory, and learningTo be a professional nurse.To a glorious heightThe young paragon mightHave grown, if not nipped in the bud,But the following yearStruck her smiling careerWith a dull and a sickening thud!(I have shed a great tear at the thought of her pain,And must copy my manuscript over again!) Not dreaming of harmOne day on her armA basket she hung. It was filledWith jellies, and ices,And gruel, and spices,And chicken-legs, carefully grilled,And a savory stew,And a novel or twoShe'd persuaded a neighbor to loan,And a hot-water can,And a Japanese fan,And a bottle of eau-de-cologne,And the rest of the things that your family fillYour room with, whenever you chance to be ill! She expected to findHer decrepit but kindOld Grandmother waiting her call,But the visage that met herCompletely upset her:It wasn't familiar at all!With a whitening cheekShe started to speak,But her peril she instantly saw: --Her Grandma had fled,And she'd tackled insteadFour merciless Paws and a Maw!When the neighbors came running, the wolf to subdue,He was licking his chops, (and Red Riding Hood's, too!) At this terrible taleSome readers will pale,And others with horror grow dumb,And yet it was better,I fear, he should get her:Just think what she might have become!For an infant so keenMight in future have beenA woman of awful renown,Who carried on fightsFor her feminine rightsAs the Mare of an Arkansas town.She might have continued the crime of her 'teens,And come to write verse for the Big Magazines! The Moral: There's nothing much glummerThan children whose talents appall:One much prefers those who are dumber,But as for the paragons small,If a swallow cannot make a summerIt can bring on a summary fall!by Guy Wetmore Carryl (1873-1904)"How Little Red Riding Hood Came to Be Eaten" is reprinted from Grimm Tales Made Gay. Guy Wetmore Carryl. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1902.*** Return to original post: Funny Poet: Guy Wetmore Carryl*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!