Dennys Funny Quotes: Funny End Of The World Cartoons, Late Nite Jokes, Funny Videos: "From Denny: Like any responsible journalist I was waiting to make sure the end of the world did not arrive so I could report on it. Now that the end of the world has been rescheduled by an 89-year-old senile pastor until 21 October 2011 all news personnel are free to make mock"
Have a great Memorial Day holiday, chill out to shed yourself of some stress, enjoying some time with family and friends. Be sure to lift your glass to toast those who came before us, sacrificing their lives for our freedom during war time or those who sacrificed as good friends to help keep us balanced in the mundane places of life. Take time to remember the best people in your life and celebrate them this special holiday."
We believe that if men have the talent to invent new machines that put men out of work, they have the talent to put those men back to work. - President John F. Kennedy
From Denny: Someone is creating quite a few grins this Easter season with this silly photo. I mean, who needs a guard dog when you can enjoy your very own Attack Bunny on patrol? The security service guarantees they are such tough guards they will catch any criminal off their game.
If you desire the very best - and the latest technology - in business or home security, then Attack Bunny is for you. They will be hopping through your neighborhood night and day, advertising their outstanding services and just plain showing off their hopping prowess.
What about the cost of hiring an Attack Bunny? They are quite cost effective. Think about it, they can only cost a few carrots a day to keep in top condition and maximum alertness to protect hearth and home. Now what more could you want in this down economy? A goat to eat your lawn to save on gas at the pump?
From Denny: Anyone who regularly reads this blog knows I grew up in the CIA. Yes, it was one weird childhood living with such paranoid uptight and often humorless people. Whenever the CIA releases ancient documents molding down in their deep dark spy basement it always gives me a grin.
When I was a kid we spent a lot of time figuring out codes since Dad had been a code breaker in WWII - among other things. One of our other childhood past times was to figure out intriguing ways to pass messages and, yes, write in invisible ink. Even Dad joined in the fun. My mother just shook her head and thought we were all a bunch of looney tunes. Knowing Dad he was probably using his baby geniuses to do his research on the cheap. Who said you can't take your work home with you?
Anyway, it is with great pleasure I present to you Rachel Maddow's cheeky report about Dear Ol' Dad's creepy CIA. This week, The New CIA under Director Leon Panetta - and a lot less creepy, odious and just plain obnoxious - released some 1917 technology for public viewing, er, laughter.
From Denny: And, first, on the serious side this tax season, Beware the Scam Artists. There are those commercials assuring you how they can get you tax resolution if you owe back taxes. With all the job loss it's no wonder there are so many Americans struggling to pay their taxes.
Well, do yourself a huge favor and talk directly to the IRS. Under the Obama administration they are a far more friendly, kinder IRS. They will help set up lowered payments for you, even if you made a deal with them months or years earlier on other back taxes.
They will still negotiate with you while you try to find a job or recover from the chaotic economy. I know what I'm talking about because I hear it everywhere around me: People in Louisiana and the Gulf Coast are getting to be IRS policy experts these days since the BP Oil Spill Disaster a year ago.
Call the IRS on your own. Don't waste good money throwing it away to a tax resolution attorney or service. Often they don't get you as good a deal as when you negotiate directly with the IRS. After all, the whole point is you are struggling to pay, so why load yourself up with more debt you end up owing to a tax service? These guys can charge you thousands of dollars for that one cheap phone call you can do yourself.
Whatever you do, make sure you file your taxes even if you don't send in payment. The IRS is a lot more amenable when you have complied with the law and filed in a timely manner.
To date, there is over $330 billion owed to the IRS, most from the wealthy who just plain refuse to pay what they owe. Isn't it about time Obama started chasing down Big Business and the greedy before they go after out of work or under employed Formerly Known As Middle Class Americans?
From Denny: This is pretty funny stuff as Stephen shows the Beck clips of "end of the world backpacks" every household should stash. It's got at least two weeks worth of freeze dried food that tastes yummy, according to Beck. Then Colbert goes on to lampoon the remaining stragglers of advertisers still willing to show their face, uh, their products on the Glenn Beck show.
Dennys Funny Quotes: 7 Funny Cartoons: Change Is Good: "Take a short holiday trip through some funny cartoon minds to pick you up at the end of your work week. There is a cartoon for every size and taste. Musician? Check. Sports fan. Check. Fitness buff. Check. Foodie. Double Hot Fudge Sundae Check. Comic book fan, er, graphic novel. Yep. Fashionistas. That too. And not to be missed is the Louisiana Gator cartoon, totally twisted thinking if I say so myself. "
From Denny: The world economy is a mess and about to get messier with Japan in distress from their latest earthquake, tsunami, nuclear disaster trifecta. Well, the good news is that we are all in the same boat, trying to swim the same polluted economic waters. It would help if our governments gave us accurate numbers and quit massaging them to please the financial markets.
The unemployment here in America is supposed to be at 8.8 percent. What a joke. There are millions of people who gave up looking. Those known as The 99ers, whose unemployment benefits ended after 99 weeks, have been unemployed for years now. Even President Obama says there are hundreds of thousands of people who will never get a job again. What kind of statement is that from a president? Not everyone deserves a job in this country?
From Denny: There are those among us - of a cheeky bent - who look forward to this one day a year when people forgive us for pranking them. Today the web was full of April Fool's Day fun from every angle, a real bumper crop of craziness!
1 - First up: Google leads the fun with their prank about their new feature of "motion-controlled" email. After all, typing on a keyboard is "so last century," right? And Google says it's also "outdated" and "inefficient."
"To open a message make a movement as if you were opening an envelope. To reply, simply point backward with your thumb," Google says in a video demonstration. More instructions? "To reply all, use both hands. To send a message, lick a stamp and place it down."
Well, you too can look like a complete fool by believing this satire and standing up in your office cubicle on Freaky Friday and get elected Fool Of The Day by using various body language to instruct your computer. It's like using cat body language to write an email. Hey, whatever floats your boat.
Best April Fools' Day Pranks - Google motion email is half way thru this clip:
From Denny: Check out what the comedians lampoon about The Peace President, Obama, going into Libya. Boy, I tell ya, a guy tries to help out some desperate people in a foreign country from getting slaughtered and all he gets is flak from the Republicans and comedians.
Of course, like so many sticky political situations, it's all about The Ego. The mostly male media ratchets up The Ego Meter by declaring Prez Obama is a wimp if he doesn't succeed at deposing Gadafi now that he's declared, "Gadafi must go!" So, suddenly out come The Big Guns: the CIA operatives magicly appear in Libya "advising" the rebel forces. Read that as, "These guys are so clueless the only way to keep them alive is knock some sense into them and show them how to win."
Meanwhile, it's a great opportunity for the paramilitary intelligence community to take apart the military apparatus Gadafi has built up over 40 years. My warning to The New CIA under Panetta: "Be careful what you teach these guys and try not to arm them at all, especially with American technology. We don't need to end up with yet another Afghanistan in a few years, chock full of terrorists and crazies, starting The Idiot Cycle all over again for yet another generation."
" Green hats are cool - if you are Irish. Well, someone tell that Irishman not to go to China. Why? Turns out 'the wearing of the green (hat)' is a cultural sign to society that..."
Yeah, this was a "teaser" and you have to go to my online newspaper blog to read the rest of the post. And, yes, there was one Mary O'Brien in the family tree a while ago. She must have passed down her teasing sense of humor. :)
From Denny: Have you heard the latest humor twist on this jerk of a governor in Wisconsin? Turns out the fool sent out a pink slip to the teacher wife of his own GOP Speaker of the House in Wisconsin. Yeah, now when it happens to Republicans suddenly it isn't so funny any more. I bet that Speaker's wife now wants to take a baseball bat to the governor.
The Republican governors in Louisiana (my state), Indiana and Ohio are all backing down from their high horse attitudes of firing every one and taking away their rights. Talk about public outrage and backlash this past week.
I'm sure the GOP strategists are telling them to back off to put this issue to bed quickly before no Republican can get elected. Sure hope they stay stubborn and keep pushing the issue. :) At least now, a lot of people who were never quite sure this union-busting was true are sure of it now. The public is also now aware of just how much our wages are in peril in every industry because of corrupt politicians.
And the Second American Revolution begins in The Heartland of America: Wisconsin
Egypt's now former dictator Hosni Mubarak Image via Wikipedia
From Denny: Guess who's literally no longer in the picture in Egypt these days? Take a look to the right for that's a ghost you are viewing. The late night comics were not at a shortage of words - or opinions - about the unfolding news coverage streaming in live all day and night long in America for 18 days. We all watched with fascination the witnessing of a new nation being birthed. Egypt is thousands of years old, had monarchies and dictators yet never before a chance at democracy until now.
It will be interesting to watch the struggles ahead as various factions wrestle for power. The same thing happened after our own American Revolution. Americans seem to think it was so easy when it was not. Most of our founding fathers were hounded so much for years that they ended up penniless after the British crown was done with them for daring to rise against it.
What's more weird is that even George Washington and Benjamin Franklin were off to Europe, hoping to enlist an heirless aristocrat of the Stewart (or is it Stuart?) family line to be America's King. Yeah, scary, isn't it? Fortunately, said possible king had the good sense to turn down their offer. He thought they should press ahead and forge a new way of government that was truly of the people - including their new leader. Even the Founding Fathers really didn't know how to break their mindset and conditioning to the monarchy and install a President. Egypt may wrestle with the same issues our ancestors did. We are still wrestling. Democracy is messy but worth the fight.
From Denny: OK, these are those wonderfully obscure type of cartoons that some people don't always "get" as to why they are funny but they sure made me grin. Yes, back in the ol' school days, I used to be the toast of the English teachers because I remembered all the obscure peanut gallery comments from those no-name characters in Shakespeare's plays. Never mind, I could care less about the main event but fortunately they rarely queried me on that account. Read that as they believed me to be brilliant, when clearly said probable brilliance was often misplaced - or happily redirected - to more interesting venues.
Yes, my poor teachers often wanted to pull their hair out and sell it to me for a Christmas gift. But, they always said they placed my essays or term papers at the top of the pile to read since I proved to be the most entertaining. Of course, they went about red-lining the hell out of said "works of art" when I refused to follow proper, OK, dull, form. Never mind it was a teaching moment for us both, right? :) Which is probably why I so appreciate the cracked minds of these cartoonists...
From Denny: This little pampered groundhog is a cute little guy. Every year he gets trotted out for a brief celebrity appearance to make his prediction about whether we will have another six weeks of winter or enjoy an early Spring. Last year Phil accurately predicted a longer winter. This year the little cutie is predicting an early Spring.
Be sure to check out the funny link at the end of this post for last year's post about Phil. There is a recipe for Groundhog Cookies and plenty of Groundhog Phil Trivia to enjoy too! Phil's official site is overwhelmed this year.
How convenient I already posted his information last year. Maybe some of Phil's psychic ability rubbed off on me? After all, obviously I "knew" last year to put up Phil's important information. You see, I "knew" a whole year ahead of time that the winter snow storms would be bad, everyone would be online at the same time, and that Phil's site would be overwhelmed. As a loyal fan of Phil's I "knew" it was my duty to promote his wonderful cheeky self to the world. Knock yourselves out and enjoy the Groundhog Phil trivia! :)
From Phil's Royal Court who make a big deal out of the occasion:
*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!
*** Come by for a visit and check out my other blogs:
From Denny: Oh, the SOTU address. Doesn't it just bring shivers down your spine? OK, maybe not. But we do all wait for that time once a year to see if our politicians can behave like grown-ups for at least a night. Since the horrific shooting of Democrat Congresswoman Gabby Giffords in Tucson a few weeks ago, the watchword was to dial back the toxic rhetoric and dish out civil political discourse.
Well, this year was the time of acting like a bunch of middle school kids, asking each other to sit together in "mixed seating" instead of the usual partisan group seating by political party. No kidding. GOP Cantor asked Democrat Speaker Pelosi to sit with him. Of course, he was too popular and too cool to ask her directly. He did so through about three intermediaries. How childish can you get? Pelosi politely gave his staff the brush off as she had already asked her own Republican beau to the dance, uh, farce.
President Obama was barely into his speech when the GOP was up on Twitter denouncing it in the ugliest of tones and the usual spitballs flying all over the classroom, uh, the nation's Capitol. In the SOTU speech Obama seemed to hit the right notes with the American public as was evidenced by the polls. The real question is whether this president who is well known for inspirational speech-making will actually follow up with more than tepid deeds aimed at pleasing corporate welfare America. And my question is this: Will he ever look like a Democrat instead of a right-leaning GOP wannabe?
