From Denny: Colbert came back from his vacation to find that BP had finally plugged the damn hold out on the ocean floor of the Gulf of Mexico. It's a temporary fix and actually has the potential to blow at any moment but hey! we will call it a "temporary win" for now.
Colbert gushed about how happy he was to hear of the successful capping of the BP oil spill. He gushed even more than the 200 million gallons of oil presently in the Gulf when he discovered the firing of BP CEO Tony Hayward, the most hated man in America - OK, the world.
Supposedly, Hayward resigned immediately. To those of us on the Gulf coast we prefer to think of his firing as the "much too long goodbye" and the "slow motion firing." The guy doesn't actually leave until October and they announced his leaving in July. Hey, BP, make sure Tony doesn't steal any of the silverware on his way out, hoping to hock it in Russia, his next lying gig. He ought to fit right in with the ruthless Russians. Hayward thinks he's big and bad. Wait until he spends some time in Russia. They will teach him all about big and bad. Hayward's an amateur in need of being taken to the woodshed.
Anyway, Colbert decided to mock the hell out of Hayward's so-called resignation, describing it as a "long, complicated process that is going to take some time." Colbert unveiled his new BP live Tony Hayward cam where we get to view what people really want to see: a robotic arm handing him his "You're fired" pink slip and watch Hayward get pelted with golf balls and garbage all in the name of how BP tries to get rid of Hayward in style.
Colbert comments about how Hazmat workers have been cleaning up tarballs on the Gulf coast beaches. "Now," he says, "our hearts go out to the Hazmat workers, who will soon be on the beaches cleaning up balls of Hayward." Colbert sends the workers his best wishes.
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| BP's Live Hayward Cam | ||||
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*** To return to the main post for more comedy:
Roundup of Late Night Funnies - 2 Aug 2010
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